After Action Review

December 21, 2009

It's been 2 months since I was really here. I've been here a couple of times over the past 2 months trying to post something but I never seem to hit the 'Publish Post' orange button. I have a number of drafts that sound like trash to me and they eventually get deleted away. I just can't pen down thoughts that have been swimming around in my head and bring my message across. What the hell is wrong with me?

It's 4 months into the job now. How am I doing? I think I'm veering off course. I've been making more and more mistakes by the day. I dwell on each mistake I made and worry about not being able to rectify it. Typical me. I start to question the purpose of doing what I'm doing everyday. Am I just going through the motion and doing something for the sake of doing? Yes. I can't seem to remember the things I've done. My mind is a total blank. I stump when asked questions. Am I learning new things everyday? No. Am I wasting my time? Yes. So what should I do next? Good question.

Policies need to be reviewed from time to time. Similarly, we need to pause, take a step back and reflect on our actions when we feel life is going downhill. Think of the possible implications before committing to an answer. When A asks B to do something and B asks me to do it, clarify with A. Stop following instructions blindly. Find out the purpose or rationale behind every request or instruction given. Predict the next move. Initiate changes. Suggest alternatives. The list goes on.

If you know me, I'm a pessimist. The glass is always half-empty. It's sunset and not sunrise at the horizon. I get chided by rs when I tell him to "look at the bright side" or "stop thinking about all the bad things" when things are not going well for him. Why? He says I'm in no position to say that when I can't do it myself. I never really figured out how to think positively. I seldom receive words of consolation or encouragement when I make mistakes or screw up. So I'm going to console myself that it's ok to make mistakes now when I'm still new. Everyone makes mistakes. If I don't make mistakes, I will not learn and grow.

A colleague once said "I psycho myself alot to continue staying in a job." I start to find this statement true...

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